I went in to work on Monday to get some things done, spent Tuesday at the doctors and in bed and today, realized exactly how sick I (still) am.  I worked for two hours – cleared off my desk, ran some errands for the House – and was hot and achey by the end.  I get it!  I’m sick!  Especially since the one ear infection has quickly become two and I’m, currently, mostly deaf.  I can almost chew so the swelling in my jaw seems to have gone down, but the pain isn’t far off and I can’t stand for more than a hot minute before I need to rest again (this may be the meds but, see, I need the meds.  So sit I will.).  

All that said, I’m pouring myself back into bed to sleep for a little while.  If I wake up feeling springy, maybe I can convince Sid to take me on a mini-field trip to the store for juice or something but if not, I’m staying put.  Think good thoughts.  And feel free to join in my celebration that Monday is a holiday. 

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I took my homework, and a small tea, down to urgent care this morning and had a fine little morning, all to my lonesome.  Thank you, nasty ear infection!  I’m totally falling in love with Memoirs of Hadrian!  It’s all because of you. 

I’d like to think there would have been less painful ways of getting my attention but a wild bout of gross certainly drew my attention to the fact that maybe I’m running a little bit ragged.  Saw my doc on Thursday and spent all of Friday and most of Saturday in bed, passed.out.  I had initially thought that ear infections were just for babies but, I am a grown woman who cannot hear out of her right eat and is in a considerable amount of pain.  This last part is hard for me to admit, seeing as I consider my pain tolerance to be quite high and it would seem that admitting to discomfort, let alone screaming, intolerable pain, would be a sign of weakness.  Still, this hurts.  Like, whoa hurts.  Thankfully I have two different antibiotics and no ability to chew solid food so I’ve been on a yogurt-for-breakfast-and-dinner diet, with the occasional bowl of broth for lunch.  Yum.  I’ve lost six pounds and am ready for something that looks slightly more appetizing than a pill washed down with a cup of live cultures.  Blech. 

My second school packet was sent in on time and my mentor has mailed me her comments – more to be revealed on that one but while I wait, I’m reading right along.  Slowly, it would seem, since I’ve been sleeping for almost 15 hours a day, but its getting down and three of the five books haven’t arrived yet.  Soon, I hope, but not quite yet, so I’ve had to spend these cooler autumn nights wrapped up with a real live novel – poor me – while I wait for for the poetry to arrive.  The life, it is hard. 

And speaking of hard, tonight we say goodbye to the Poet’s Asylum – not good by as much as a ‘so long for now’ but I’ve been helping with this reading for two years and an itinerant community member for many, many more – I’m heartbroken to see it rest for awhile, while understanding that its good for everyone to take a break now and then.  

In a minute, I need to shower and wash the gunk out of my ears (gross but true – ear drops turn pretty chunky after a bit) and put on something that looks less like pajamas and more like hosting clothes, replete with a small heel (gotta get it in while the weather holds) and maybe even makeup.  I’ll have to put the makeup on before the next round of meds so as to avoid putting mascara on my nose and lipstick where my eyebrows should be…Gotta make sure the night gets all the attention it deserves and I’d rather the audience focus on the task at hand than where, exactly, I put my eyeliner.

More about all of this later – the fact that I can put together a vaguely cohesive sentence means that I’m feeling better but is by no mean a sign than my brain is functioning at its maximum capacity.  In some ways I’m glad I’m sick so the impact of everything happening is slowed.  Not gone, just…lessened for a moment.  

Home again, home again.

Got a load of laundry in the wash (full of delicious baby quilt fabric), a sink that was empty when I got home (thanks, Sid!) (not anymore!) and, after some reorganizing, a shockingly small amount of reading to do this month.  Not nothing, but blessedly less.

The time away was excellent – Grey and I went to the orchard on Sunday, did a little shopping (hello! new yoga block) and then watched the Vampire Diaries’ spin off pilot.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – no shame.  I watch teeny sci-fi shows.  And I like it.

Monday was an amazing day – a walk in the backwoods with my best friend, wandering around The City by my lonesome for a few hours and spending all the money I could think of – I bought some masks for our engagement shoot, which is coming up this week, and the above mentioned fabric – I’m in love with Nido, this fabulous fabric shop in town, and I love Heather Ross, so to find them together was amazing. 

Not as amazing as following up all this – and beautiful weather, too! – with coffee with a dear friend and then, holy carp, the most amazing dinner I’ve ever eaten – thank you, Old Roommate, for working and cooking and providing me with the best pork belly I’ve ever had.  You make me want to eat weird and delicious (see also:fermented tofu) food.  Like, always.

But wait – you think that sounds amazing?  You’d be right, but you’d not know about attempting to facetime the entire world with my mother, wearing the masks I picked up, eating more delicious food, courtesy of my father, and then playing Jenga with the two of them.  My mother, as it turns out, is a pro.  This surprises no one but! it was a nice discovery all the same.

Today was simple – coffee with a friend’s mom, lunch with my sissy and housewarming presents for the hordes of Sid’s friends who just found new apartments.  I drove home.  I only got stuck in traffic once.  And I came home to a cereal dinner and cleaning up and where’s Sid? and whatever I have shit to do.  A perfect night, in the general scheme of things.  Once I water my plants, I’ll be done and in my pajamas.  Boom.

My sister is blaring Beyonce and I’m not even mad.

How amazing to be sitting at my parent’s house, surrounded by project books and my pretty sister, Grey, who’s watching fermentation videos (I assume this is for school) – we’re having a mini-homework club before I force her out into this Fabulous Weather — vacation means eating and I have yet to eat a cider donut.  For shame.

Rolled into town yesterday in time for my hometown’s harvest festival – it was low key time with the folks but Grey brought her new boyfriend and we came home to eat hand pies and have him regale us with stories about…well, everything.  He spent some time educating my mother on dub step and telling her stories about the time he whatevered.  I like him, as do my parents, which makes me happy for sister.

Afterwards I drove into town with the BF and the little and they dropped me off at one of friends’ houses – – we made pasta with duck bacon (HOLY SHIT) and did all the catching up that was possible to do in seven hours.  I am lucky.

Today, I had brunch with two of my oldest girlfriends – one of those luxurious two hour jobs: I got my own full pot of tea (gone) and had a shocking amount of shrimp in my omelet – and decided on a whim to trek down to the next town over’s cute bookstore.  I’m now home, getting ready to finish up my sixth packet before Grey and I go to the orchard.  I’m glad to have a little focused quiet time, especially with a hot tea next to me and my mother’s favorite vase filled with the last of the sunflowers in front of me, before the hordes come back and the weather here, and the foliage, is just incredible.  I needed a chance to recharge the old batteries.  With donuts, of course.

 

Side note: anyone remember Wades?  Might be sign that I don’t have enough to think about but for whatever reason, I’ve been thinking about them all morning.

I should be packing.

Or! I could be reading/mopping/sleeping/something-productive. Granted, I did finish the laundry, and did my weight in  homework, and painted my nails (hard to take notes when your top coat is setting), and binged on New Girl episodes. So thats something.

Tomorrow starts the Out Of State portion of the month – every month has to have at least one, right? And this one doesn’t involve work, but, instead, dinner at my friend’s new restaurant, a friend sleepover (I fucking love those) and a lot of time with my family. Oh, and at least one brunch. I’m considering this my overdue and belated summer vacation. All four days of it. Sad Sid can’t enjoy it with me but he’s got work and school and whatever else to handle at the homestead. I’ll have to eat all the delicious cider donuts (I refuse to spend September in New England sans cider donut) by my lonesome.

Since I’m becoming quite fond of my school project, I should be happy that I’m hauling him along with me. My second packet is due on Tuesday, the day I head back to Real Life (read, work) so little miss me has to get a whole lot of work done inbetween all the eating and sleeping and hiking I’m looking forward to. I’m alright with the poem-load – I’ve got four new pieces to send in, replete with all my mentor’s suggestions, but I’m way behind in the reading and am going to have to fake it ’til I make it – I’m going to be using these texts for the next year so its not like I’m not going to be reading them, just, apparently, not in a timely manner.

In other news, I now own a sweatshirt dress which I am obsessed with. If I thought I could wear it to work without looking like the least professional person that ever roamed the earth, I would. Instead, I will continue to wear maxi dresses well into the my favorite season and fool everyone into thinking they’re seasonally appropriate by belting the shit out of them. Belts things more autumnal, right?

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A happy accident / My favorite begonia – they make me think of my Nana and I managed to get this beaut blooming all summer long. / A shot from a sunny workday / A quilt I’m so not working on right now (oops) / A little hike / Fourth of July beauty (I love fireworks) / Let’s reorder the bookcase, shall we?  /

Waiting for the oven to reach 400F.

I’ve written about this before but several moons ago I discovered, became obsessed with, beat and then mourned Plants Vs. Zombies.  Recently, EA released a PvZ 2 and I have shocked myself by playing very casually – until tonight. 

I did the math the other day and I have to have to have to read 36 pages a day to keep up with my work load and finish everything on time.  This doesn’t sound like a lot and there are loads of people, myself included, who could read 36p a day without a thought.  It is that lack of thinking that forgets that the text has to be good.  Also, I can read 36p at a good clip – if I’m not taking notes.  But I am.  So what could go by quickly goes very, very slowly.  And all this is great, and I’m lucky to be so excited about all of this, and the work is really meaningful and all these wonderful things, but I’m so overwhelmed I could spit.  Like, gross stuff. 

Sid’s out on an adventure and I’m here, reading and waiting for the oven to heat up so I can make a frozen pizza and keep reading.  It’s interesting stuff – all about metamorphosis as a metaphor for the immigrant’s plight and how contemporary artwork reflects the ignorance of the past – and I’m giving myself rabid video game breaks to keep from completely losing my mind.  But I want to be out, too!  At least I’ll finish the game – like, tonight.

(Also, I am freezing – when did Autumn show up?  I’ve been reading on the lawn every afternoon after work and I’m pretty sure that is a thing of the past.  I’ve got a sweatshirt on and soon I’ll have to hunt for my slippers.  What the eff.)   

It’s cool if I take a break from being so-close-to-done with my packet to watch bad TV, right?  Right?

Procrastination With a Point (v. Pointed Procrastination)

This semester has kicked my ass, is kicking my ass and will continue to kick my ass (amo, amat, amatum).  I don’t remember being so excited, consumed, energized or focused on an academic project like this for what is probably ten years – this makes it scary (which makes me not want to work on it) and hopeful (which makes me want to work work work).  So its understandable that yesterday, in the middle of a humid heat wave, I decided to deep clean the house instead of working on my first packet.*  It’s probably also understandable that this morning, in the middle of a tidy office, off of the immaculate kitchen, I am busting it out.  

It’s not 1p yet and I’ve edited a piece, typed an old-but-relevant piece, emailed a cohort to freak out over my mentor’s assumed reaction and, in the midst of filing out-of-order books, found the one packet book I’ve been missing – oops.  This will, at the very least, let me write my opening-semester letter, which I don’t want to do but, after I’m done wasting more time (see also: this), will have to do. 

I’ve also 

  • Made tea 
  • Eaten breakfast 
  • Attempted to wake Sid up 
  • Twice 
  • Sorted through a semester’s worth of drafts
  • Thought about the dishes

If I can write the letter I can do things like eat lunch and water my plants.  It’s important to have goals…

 

 

*Due Tuesday!

**This was procrastination with a point. 

Things I’ve done since January.

Ahem.

  • Changed my bedside lamps out.  Twice.  I’m finally happy (hello, mint goosenecks!) and Sid hasn’t noticed, except to comment that it felt…brighter.
  • Grew some plants, didn’t kill them.  This should be edited to say that I bought some plants and didn’t kill them.  I also stole some from work (and repotted them, to be fair) and those aren’t dead either!  Plants on the porch, plants in the living room, my office, the kitchen – there have been plenty of opportunities to really kill some plants, man, and I haven’t taken one.  Go, me.
  • Competed at the national poetry slam.  Different than I remember, and an interesting mix of old faces and new but you know what, I had a great time.  We scored abysmally and had a great time doing it (I even got a time penalty!  Woo hoo!)
  • Celebrated my two year anniversary.  Bizarre, really, but lovely.  Sid bought me some primo baking equipment and a vintage Krang action figure (long story), I got him a small Ramen cookbook (see also: Ramen fudge.  Happy holidays!).  That seems pretty fair, right?
  • Started planning, in some sort of earnest.  The wedding, I mean.  We suddenly have less than year and I panic thinking about tents and why haven’t we had a meeting with our graphic designer and sweet Baby Jesus we need to invite the minister over dinner like, yesterday.  And what in the hell do I feed him?  And should I buy candles?  I’m clearly having a good time.  Did I mention the guest list and how it makes both of us hivey?  Yeah.  That.
  • Started my third semester of grad school.  And now, a project!  A dreamboat of a project.  A project that is kicking my ass and that I am so deeply in love with, despite being behind on my reading (there’s a lot!), that I don’t mind that I rarely leave the house except to occasionally search for thrift store-mason jars that will maybe end the infestation of pantry moths that I can’t seem to get rid of.  Oh, yeah.
  • Had two swarms of pantry moths.  Handled.  Though I now can’t have flour in the house (see above).  At least for the time being.

I’m committing myself to being more present and writing more – though not right now.  Right now, I need to read and then maybe watch Pretty Little Liars.  Soon, though – and with less vague vigor.

Still in sweatpants.

No guilt.  Even though there’s plenty of laundry to sort and the floors need to be swept, I’ve decided to embrace late mornings, calm afternoons and easy evenings, replete with Sid’s coffee needs and cartoon-watching requirements (Family Guy has been on repeat in this house for…a while).

I do feel guilty about not writing as much. It, honestly, feels like I’ve lost the last month.  Last weekend, Sid and I were in LA for the weekend, which was amazing.  The week before that was residency and then the holiday madness before that.  We’re currently hosting a touring poet, which is lovely, except that I can’t walk to the bathroom in my underwear.  Sacrifices.

In wedding news, the planning process makes me want to vomit everywhere.  It’s so overwhelming and there are so many things to organize and coordinate and let’s be real – I barely have time to email the people that actively need to hear from me, let alone venues who will give me big prices and dates that don’t jive, so to speak, with all of these media-born expectations.  I’m taking the advice of several friends and avoiding anything wedding related for a minute.   There’s plenty to deal with otherwise.

I digress.  Soon, I will offer pictures from California, where it wasn’t snowing and made no promises to the contrary.

ox.